Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
