so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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