god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
