my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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