Screwed.edu
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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