Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
