Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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