I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
