please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
