Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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