They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
