I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
