omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
