proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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