apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
