How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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