My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
