What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just cropdusted the office
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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