Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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