Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
