This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
