Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
