i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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