nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
