Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
