my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
