I am spending my child support on dildos
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
