i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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