I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i dont even know how to be here
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
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You. Win. At. Life.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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