I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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