Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
