So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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