I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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