walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
