areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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