bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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