Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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