And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
My feet surprised me
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
