Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
