I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
