So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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