I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
