Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
In America we eat man semen.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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