i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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