I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
If I die, sorry about rent.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
