alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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