i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
