my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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