Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
