No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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