Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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