Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
