The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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