im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
