my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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