my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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